24 The Conclusion of Season 5

Ah, it's that time, my friends. The moment we dreaded has finally come and gone--the end of yet another non-stop year of "24." I must admit, what am I going to do for Mondays now? Watch reruns on FX? Borrow friends' DVD collections? Damn straight! Gotta have my Jack Bauer, and January's just to far away! All in all, I'd give this finale a 3.5 star out of five. They hit the right beats for the most part and as I've said before, this was the most consistent season where they've stuck with the main story without too many..."stupid distractions." And the acting performances alone push it almost to a five. Greg Itzin totally deserves to have an Emmy on his shelf next year, and if they need someone to head the petition to get him nominated next year, I'm there. Superb acting by everyone really and it held up the tradition of truly heart stopping moments for some episode cliffhangers (Edgar!). Out of all the finales this year (be on the lookout for my Finale Round Up in the coming days), this one wasn't the best, but it by far wasn't the worst either. SO what did we learn going out with a bang?:

--that coporate sponsorship is alive and well in primetime. Chloe boots up a computer and Cisco Systems displays for like a good five minutes just to let you know what preferred hackers/computer geniuses use. Also during the Palmer funeral, Mike Novik or someone uses a Sprint phone with streaming capability to watch CNN's coverage on TV. You know the real sponsorship deal they should be working on? ADT or freaking Corby to get some really good security on CTU next year. If CTU factors in next year's storyline or anything, I certainly hope there's nothing disasterous going on there. Been there, done that too much.

--Jack is a control freak. We know this of course in the past five years watching our galliant hero face off with terrorists, but my man tells Petty Officer Rooney the EXACT way to filet a dude. I thought showing people how to hotwire cars and pick locks on TV was pushing it. What's the word of the day, class? "Carotid Artery." I bet you thought you'd never save a Russian submarine on your own when you signed up for the Navy, did you Rooney? I do like those moments in the show though because while Jack is a baddass and can take out the Army without blinking, it's good to show how killing and mayhem don't come as easily to some of the folks Jack comes across and are put in these incredible situations.

--RED SHIRT ALERT! Dude with Jack as you're checking out the sub while Henderson is fiddling with the missiles, I'm sorry to tell you, you are dead. Look around. You're a no name, you're with Jack, there are hostiles nearby. You're dead. Hope you've got your fall perfected cause you're going down.

--that killing Henderson closed a great door for them. As being badass #2 on the show, I kind of wish they hadn't killed off Henderson. It would've been great to have him, as part of his pardon deal, have to go in and save Jack. But then again, Henderson did kill David Palmer, and that's a no-no we fans can't tolerate. Justice is a dish best served cold...and boy, did Jack serve him a helping.

--that Chloe at this point doesn't work for anybody but Jack. She might as well change her name to Q and call him James. Jack makes one call to her like, "I'm going after Logan, I need this," and you almost see her shrug her shoulders and throw her arms in the air like, "Oh, why not." I mean, the woman has been doing all this stuff behind everyone's back all day anyway, might as well do this one. Only Jack could inspire such loyalty :)

--we learn that we ARE watching a Fox show and not the WB when Martha and Aaron say goodbye. If it were a WB show, clearly there would've been a long, deep kiss and James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" would've been playing under it as they parted ways perhaps never to meet again. I was so like, "Aw, no kiss! Come on!" but it didn't fit the honorable knight in shining armor Aaron is. She is still married...married to a putz, but married nonetheless. I'm still mad Aaron didn't get to kill more people, but hell, I'm just glad he survived. He's a good character; I hope he pops up next year. Also, Aaron escapes the compound with Mike only to come back with Jack? Sorry, um, I think we're missing the definition of the word "escape" here.

--that Chloe has an ex-husband? And he's British(?)? And he's a womanizing cad? How delightfully juicy. Now here's one of the major inconsistencies of the finale: They take out the submarine that it took 10 minutes of the episode before to capture in 20 minutes, which is so throwaway and you kind of scratch your head why, but we get this great part of Chloe's life with this seemingly cool character and we see him here and when he's dropping off stuff to Jack and that's it?! Bad producers, bad. Let's get more of the husband next year, possibly back with Chloe even though you can clearly see they're wrong for each other.

--the Chloe O'Brien Line of the Week: Martha and Mike Novick know that Jack is coming for the Prez --
Martha: Will he hurt him?
Mike: he says this much nicer, but Mike's line is basically "Jack will f--- that fool up if necessary." The definition of badass, people. You don't have to say what a badass you are, other people do it for you because THEY KNOW.

--that this is something I had a problem with throughtout the season. You're the President of the U.S. I know we're not in the Nixon era anymore, but you mean to tell me that nothing in that room of his was wired for sound, no cameras, no survellience equipment to spy on what's going on? I mean, it helps when you're trying to be a sneaky, underhanded President not to have electronics that could, oh, provide evidence, but I found it interested none of his rooms at the compound were heavily survellienced.

--that a commercial break is all Logan and Martha needed for a "quickie." No, didn't want to really see them "getting down," but man, that's quick! I know you gots stuff to do as Prez, but dang. And Martha's seduction proves that yes, even against our instincts, we men are slaves to the..."other brain." We can't help it. It's stronger than freakin' Kryptonite. Know and learn, females of the world.

--Chloe O'Brien Line of the Week #2:
Chloe to Jack: I don't mean to put added pressure on you, but if you don't get a confession, we'll be arrested for treason. Classic!

--The whole storyline getting the confession from Logan through Martha was handled brilliantly. Some people say they could see it coming a mile away, especially when Jack didn't shoot him, but I'm sorry, I was surprised and loved seeing the smirk on Martha and Mike's faces as they hauled Charles away like a common criminal. Again, I was holding out for someone taking a shot at him and ending his pitiful life, but I can take jailtime. Speaking of which, and I of course haven't mentioned how good he is before, but Itzin was great in his speech to Martha about putting her away in an asylum and drugging her. Viscious and evil, I loved it cause I soooo hated this dude! I like what they did with the Logan character and totally going from this sniveling guy last year to diabolical criminal mastermind way over his head. Well done.

--that at the end, I thought for sure Audrey would buy the farm. Have we killed enough women in Jack's life? Yes. But there was that beat when they were talking in the open I thought for sure someone would take her out. Instead, we get Jack taken out. Kim Raver's starring in a fall show, so it might be the last we see of Audrey, but hopefully they can work it out next year that she can be back.

And that brings us to the end with Jack on a slow boat to China...literally! People doubted me, but I told you, the Chinese would come into play and get our boy back. That dude was adamant last year and didn't believe for a moment Jack was dead, so I knew this season could end no other way, but Ari has a good point about in that highly secure area, four dudes can sneak in, take Jack out, and leave undetected? Ah, but it's that dash of implausibility we love about "24"....okay, it's more like a freakin' pint of implausibility, but it tastes oh so good! And that was a nice touch with the Edgar picture. All in all, a good season and they cleaned house. Can't wait to see who they add to the cast next year and how the heck Jack gets out of this one. I sincerely hope though they have someone like Curtis go in and get him rather than him escaping. I want Jack to rely on someone a little bit...then kick some ass. We also never learn more about some of the loose ends in the story--Wade Palmer, Martha's assistant, just how many more government agents were available to help bad guys escape--but all in all, a very decent finale. Thanks for reading everyone and please check here as I write about stuff OTHER than "24" now ;) Have a great Memorial Day weekend...

-B

24 This Week: 5/15/06

Three more to go! Three more eps to go and this season of 24 will come to an end. How time flies. DirecTV has this thing called Showcases and one of them was a 2-minute summary of this season so far and has a few clips from the finale, and I've gotta say after watching it, this season has flown by and man, they packed a lot into it. I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like this season was the best in terms of them presenting a good, straight coherent storyline and sticking to it. I mean, it wouldn't be 24 without the plot twists and turns (Edgar dying, President Logan being the baddie), but in terms of the overall arc of the season and all the things they did to get there, it was very straightforward and not...all over the place as some seasons have tended to be. Last night's episode, not one of my favorites I must say. They save a sub full of missiles as the big gun of the end? I just as well would've had Jack destroying the gas plant as the finale, or even the diplomat plane siutation. I just felt the sub thing was too much to present in just three episodes left. But last night did have some great moments...

--From my boy Cameron's mouth to the writers' ears: Friday we were talking about how would Jack handle Miles' betrayal and destruction of the tape and Cameron says, all Jack is gonna do is grab him by the throat, yell at him, and almost kill him. And lo and behold, that's what happened! I'm just glad they caught Miles and realized it was him, even though they had to let him go so he could hump the President's leg. And did you see how Jack took out the guard Karen told to stop him? One punch in the chest and dude was DOWN. I've gotta learn that....

--Henderson is Jack Bauer version 1.0 I mean, dude thinks like Jack, doesn't give a crap like Jack...he may be one of the best characters created yet for Jack to deal with. I just wish they had made him an out and out villain. That would've been a good battle of wits (he escapes and comes back next year?). And as for him saying he was helping them to obtain the files and stuff: dawg, you're going to tell the guy they're trying to apprehend you've got CTU with you, ask for a gun, and you want Jack to trust you that you're doing what you agreed to? Come on. I'm surprised Jack didn't shoot him on sight after the gun fight.

--The lovers, Aaron and Martha Logan. Ah, love is in the air. She finds Aaron, shoots his captor, and is tending to his wounds. Okay, who else thought they would go there and kiss? I totally thought they'd go there, but I guess with Aaron being all honorable, he wouldn't get all freaky with the still married Martha...but you could see the "unspoken bond" between them. I still have Vegas odds Aaron shoots Prez Logan, despite the tease for next week that shows Jack possibly doing it. On a side note: Keifer's movie "The Sentinel" features a Secret Service agent who is set up and blackmailed due to his having an affair with the First Lady. Coincidence, no? And the Chloe O'Brien Line of the Week goes to Aaron: "You are not a man and you have disgraced the office, CHARLES." I mean, all that was missing was Aaron spitting in his face. To no longer call him the President and give him no respect, you go, Aaron.

--So Bierko has one canister of nerve gas left, I can get with that. But you use it on a submarine? I mean, in that enclosed area, you'll never get all that gas out and you know how it stinks up the upholstery! But seriously, how did they know that submarine was in port there when it wasn't --as far as we know -- part of the original plan? And why do all the bad guys have great HR people? Because I always hire a team that's multitasked in not only chemical warfare, but how to RUN A FREAKIN' SUBMARINE! These guys can do it all. No terrorist plot too big, none too small. I find it amazing. And like Kathy was saying, that poor sub captain. Even if you're talking to Jack on the phone, you're a red shirt waiting to die. My man pokes his head out of the hatch, boom. Don't get next to Jack Bauer, I'm telling you.

--In one weekend, I've seen two "What Would" scenarios. On the West Wing finale, there was "What Would Leo Do?" In 24 last night, it was "What Would David Palmer Do?" Wise men to follow and live by. Something tells me there will be no "What Would George W Do?" ever uttered because that would mean interrupting our TV viewing with a political soapbox speech that could be shown on C-Span in the time it took to reiterate stuff he's said before. Fool! I'm not saying the immigration issue isn't important, but a national TV address? In the middle of sweeps?! To say things you've said already and just looking to ease the tension you, yourself, created? David Palmer would have known the value of not doing that....and the value of All-State Insurance :)

Next week, the stunning two hour season finale. How in God's green Earth are they going to bring Logan to justice without evidence? Will he even live or die (chant with me now: Aaron, Aaron, Aaron)? Will Chloe stop the submarine with her computer LIKE ALWAYS and give Jack the window he needs to save the day? And what happens to Jack? Now that every government agent in the world (thanks to that arrest warrant by the President) and everyone in LA knows he's alive, will the Chinese come knocking? Dude just signed on for a couple more years, so unless we're now called 24: Prison Break II, he's got to get away or be exonerated somehow. Will he and Audrey live happily ever after? And what about that Grey's Anatomy finale? What a let down! :) Until next week!

24 This Week: 5/8/06

So after waiting for what seems like an eternity again for the new episode, we get the softer side of "24" this week. I must say, I liked it, and I'm a little biased because I like the writer of the episode, Manny Coto. He's cut his teeth on a lot of TV, but Coto was responsible for bringing some humanity to "Star Trek: Enterprise" in its last season, and he brings a lot to this episode where we get the action of landing the plane out of the way from the get go, and then on to personal relationships in the show. Jack and Audrey....Karen and Miles...Logan and Marty...Chloe and--the nearest laptop. :) Some people may think this one was a little slow, but I liked it a lot. But....what did we learn?

--that budget ain't necessarily going to special FX. I don't know, the plane stuff just looked bad to me for a show of "24"'s caliber, but maybe the money is being spent on all these freakin' guest stars this year and not CG. I mean it was decent for episodic TV budgets, but yeah, this show ain't Battlestar Galactica.

--that Jack shouldn't have to repeat himself. When the co-pilot/traitor is giving Jack some lip, Jack gets his gun a little closer to his head as if to say, "Just in case there's some confusion here, I have a gun. It's pointed at your head. Do as I say." That's effective negotiating in my book.

--that I thought at one point "24" would get wacky and it'd be the Marines vs. CTU (Curtis' ground team picking up Jack). Thankfully they realized we've had quite enough "Oh, come on" moments so far, so they gave us a break with this one. Besides, we all know who'd win--CTU agents can't keep a building secure to save their life, but in the field, with Jack Bauer, who can stop 'em?!

--that someone--oh, Miles--needs a BIG timeout. Okay, first of all, if I had a subordinate talk to me the way Miles talked to Karen, whoa nelly, there'd be some bitch slappin' going on! Maybe that's why I work alone, hmmm. But yeah, he demands that she tell him what's going on? She needs the Jack Bauer School of Counterterrorism, especially the class on "Do as I say or people will die, starting with you." And who couldn't see the treatchery from Miles coming a mile away. I didn't know if he was already in on the plot with the President, but I knew in some way, scuzzy Miles would do something underhanded and piss me off even more. Execution at the end of the show for two, please--Miles and President Logan. I do kind of feel like his betrayal of Karen is sort of not in character--he's a weasel but so far had been a loyal weasel--but hey, we need all the villains we can get on this show to keep it chugging for another 3 hours.

--speaking of villains, what's up with the driver of Beirko's transfer detail being in on it and the one eventually to lead to his escape? Come on! Is like every third government agent on the take in this universe? Grant you, we've gotten up the the President being crooked now, but damn, every time you turn around, there's some "inside man" giving a wink and a smile to the bad guy in custody to say, "Don't worry, man, we're going to the Sizzler after we get you out of those cuffs." Hopefully as the show is winding down, we've seen the last of this. Again, whoever's doing these background checks for these employees...we have a serious HR problems in the CTU/government world.

--another TV law: Right before you're ready to kill yourself, if there's not enough time to eat that last great meal, but just enough time for you to reflect, a character will always take a drink of alcohol...always. And it's most of the time a dark liquor, all the better to see on camera (gotta love that aged scotch someone always has stashed). Is it that you want to get sloshed enough to do the deed or we like liquor so much we want that to be the last taste on our lips? You be the judge.

--Great acting by the way of Greg Itzin (Prez Logan). The quiet moments during his walk back to his room after talking to the First Lady...his dialogue with Rocket Romano hinting at suicide...the guy is doing a great job. I must admit, they almost had me thinking he really was going to off himself...but then I looked and there was like 10 minutes left in the show, so I knew SOMETHING was going to happen to stop him :) And great little tender moment with Jack and Audrey as he visits her in the infirmary. I actually felt it was genuine. What can I say, I'm a mushy guy...

--two quotes of the week:
MILES: I'm just doing my job, Chloe.
CHLOE: Well, if your job is to slow things down, you're doing a great job, Miles.

and then when Marty says she'd be impressed with the President's ability to lie if she wasn't horrified that she was married to him. Ouch.


We're in the home stretch now, people! Secretary Heller IS alive after all, so that's one mystery solved. Aaron is tied up and looks like he's been beaten to a pulp. Here's hoping he says, "And I'm going to have relations with your wife," right after he plugs Logan upon his escape :) Jack tries to get the evidence from Henderson after the sabotage, so this is probably the last stand with Robocop--may the best badass win. And I've got to admit, I'm curious now with the tape destroyed how they're going to bring down the President. Unless someone talks, there's no way to get him. But we'll soon find out, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

SHAMELESS PLUG OF THE WEEK: http://www.retrojunk.com/
You must, must, must check out this website. It'll mean more to those of us in the 30 and up category, but will be nostalgic for you younger tykes, too. It has a lot of intros from old TV shows and sadly, I have some in my video library I could give them to fill in their blanks. This is your warning: it is highly addictive and once you start watching, you can't stop! Till next week....

24: This Week 4/24-5/1

I'm baaaaaack! I know, I know...everyone went through withdrawal with no 24 update last week--and I humbly apologize; life got the best of me-- but I'm here and I'm ready to rumble about our good buddy Jack Bauer.

So, where have we been? Jack confides in his former boss, Secretary Heller, who then bogarts him, ties him up and proceeds with his own plan which results in the Secretary taking a spectacular swan dive off a cliff. I've gotta admit, I didn't see that one coming at all. I audibly said, "Whoa," as they cut to the wide shot and that Caddy speeds up to take the leap. I thought he'd maybe do some evasive driving on the road, maybe even he'd get out of the car and defiantly give the middle finger to the guys in the copter, but jump off a cliff? Never. So who wants to take bets now whether he's REALLY dead, or was saved?

We also now have Chloe escaping CTU --which isn't hard to do for the bad guys, so why should it for the good guys--and working out of Bill Buchanon's house. And everyone was right: the best line of the last week was when Chloe basically said, "Your equipment's crap but it's all we've got to work with so we'll deal." President Logan confesses to his sanity-hanging-by-a-thread wife of his misconduct of the day, Aaron our Secret Service hero disappears, and Jack is leavin' on a jet plane and we know he'll be back again, but...will he have the tape recording for evidence?! This brings us to this week and the things we've learned!

--that this week's episode was good for such a bottle episode. I mean, mostly we're dealing with Jack on the plane, Audrey's out of action, and we have good back and forth with Karen Hayes helping out at CTU and that's the show. So good show overall. Not great like the last ones have been, but of course....

--Chloe steals the show. Her taking out the tazer and tagging the drunk dude? BRILLIANT! And not once, but twice! I loved it; I was howling laughing. So the Chloe O'Brien line of the week isn't a spoken line, it's the powerful yet subtle hum of a tazer gun. I love that woman.

--that Jack Bauer is still The Man. Sing to the tune of "The Candyman Can".... who can take out an air marshal/knock him out cold/ take his gun, take his badge and take a plane alone/the Jack Bauer can/that Jack Bauer can....
I mean, I've really got to check if this is possible in the real world, but my man cuts open a panel and takes CONTROL OF A PLANE FROM THE BAGGAGE HOLD. That's the power of Jack Bauer. I do wonder though why he didn't enlist the aid of the air marshal instead of just putting him in the hold, but I guess it was easier than worrying about trusting him. After all, Jack did whip his ass and I don't think air marshal's take that too kindly :) Jack don't need no backup! And if I'm the pilot, I'd watch my back as I'm trying to give some lame excuse of a cramp to unlock the door to the cabin. But we are dealing with TV IQs, not real ones, so I understand we must have some dramatic effect.

--speaking of the plane, I don't know about you, but when they were doing the whole Jack to Chloe to get the pilot to not decompress the hold and running through Karen at CTU, it was a little reminiscent to me of the trash compactor scene in the original Star Wars. Chloe as C-3PO: "Curse my rusty innards, I can't save Jack in time!"....I mean, it was just so apparent I started shouting, "Shut down all the planes on the detention level!" If you don't remember this scene, or think this joke has run its course, please skip ahead...

--that the First Lady has taken the one way trip to Looney Toon Town and she ain't comin' back. Poor woman. She gets faith in her husband, he destroys it...she seeks out comfort from her Secret Service man Aaron, but her husband has him taken out....it's a wonder she held onto the sanity she had to begin with. And Jean Smart is brilliant in this episode conveying a woman who's totally on the edge of losing it fully. Again, Emmy nomination in her future, gotta be. And how cold is Logan? She calls to ask him why he didn't confide in her in the beginning and he snaps back, "'Cause you crazy, ho! Why am I going to tell you anything when you're a drop away from drinking the Jesus Juice?" That was just mean and gave you insight into how Logan really feels about her. Two things have to happen: either the First Lady gets to take a shot at Logan or Aaron gets to plug him and stand over him saying, "AND I'm taking your woman!"

--And that Miles is a W-E-A-S-E-L, pure unadulterated sniveling toadie. He follows orders given by the President that are clearly weird unconditionally, but then Karen does something out of line and he calls Mike Novick?! Jerk! Oooh, I hate that Miles. Since we now have Rocket Romano from E.R. (welcome Paul McCrane to the "24" family), can we have a helicopter cut off Miles' arm and fall on him in the medical bay as well?

So only four more hours left, people! Can you believe it's gone by so soon? I can't. And I know they can't tie up everything, but I want to know the final fate of Evelyn, the First Lady's aide who gave up Jack's position to Henderson. Is Aaron dead or just detained? Wayne Palmer has to show up when President Palmer's body gets to DC, so what's the end for him? Will we find out who the heck Paul McCrane and his dark suited cronies are and how he got the President of the US to do all this crazy mess? Will Curtis get to be head of CTU so his life can be ruined? Ooh, maybe Chloe! Can you imagine Chloe running CTU? Priceless. And holy Snakes On A Plane...Jack has to avoid being shot down out of the sky? And here's a thought: a plane full of diplomats--did anyone see a Chinese diplomat? Cause if so, our boy Jack has bigger problems....