24 The Conclusion of Season 5

Ah, it's that time, my friends. The moment we dreaded has finally come and gone--the end of yet another non-stop year of "24." I must admit, what am I going to do for Mondays now? Watch reruns on FX? Borrow friends' DVD collections? Damn straight! Gotta have my Jack Bauer, and January's just to far away! All in all, I'd give this finale a 3.5 star out of five. They hit the right beats for the most part and as I've said before, this was the most consistent season where they've stuck with the main story without too many..."stupid distractions." And the acting performances alone push it almost to a five. Greg Itzin totally deserves to have an Emmy on his shelf next year, and if they need someone to head the petition to get him nominated next year, I'm there. Superb acting by everyone really and it held up the tradition of truly heart stopping moments for some episode cliffhangers (Edgar!). Out of all the finales this year (be on the lookout for my Finale Round Up in the coming days), this one wasn't the best, but it by far wasn't the worst either. SO what did we learn going out with a bang?:

--that coporate sponsorship is alive and well in primetime. Chloe boots up a computer and Cisco Systems displays for like a good five minutes just to let you know what preferred hackers/computer geniuses use. Also during the Palmer funeral, Mike Novik or someone uses a Sprint phone with streaming capability to watch CNN's coverage on TV. You know the real sponsorship deal they should be working on? ADT or freaking Corby to get some really good security on CTU next year. If CTU factors in next year's storyline or anything, I certainly hope there's nothing disasterous going on there. Been there, done that too much.

--Jack is a control freak. We know this of course in the past five years watching our galliant hero face off with terrorists, but my man tells Petty Officer Rooney the EXACT way to filet a dude. I thought showing people how to hotwire cars and pick locks on TV was pushing it. What's the word of the day, class? "Carotid Artery." I bet you thought you'd never save a Russian submarine on your own when you signed up for the Navy, did you Rooney? I do like those moments in the show though because while Jack is a baddass and can take out the Army without blinking, it's good to show how killing and mayhem don't come as easily to some of the folks Jack comes across and are put in these incredible situations.

--RED SHIRT ALERT! Dude with Jack as you're checking out the sub while Henderson is fiddling with the missiles, I'm sorry to tell you, you are dead. Look around. You're a no name, you're with Jack, there are hostiles nearby. You're dead. Hope you've got your fall perfected cause you're going down.

--that killing Henderson closed a great door for them. As being badass #2 on the show, I kind of wish they hadn't killed off Henderson. It would've been great to have him, as part of his pardon deal, have to go in and save Jack. But then again, Henderson did kill David Palmer, and that's a no-no we fans can't tolerate. Justice is a dish best served cold...and boy, did Jack serve him a helping.

--that Chloe at this point doesn't work for anybody but Jack. She might as well change her name to Q and call him James. Jack makes one call to her like, "I'm going after Logan, I need this," and you almost see her shrug her shoulders and throw her arms in the air like, "Oh, why not." I mean, the woman has been doing all this stuff behind everyone's back all day anyway, might as well do this one. Only Jack could inspire such loyalty :)

--we learn that we ARE watching a Fox show and not the WB when Martha and Aaron say goodbye. If it were a WB show, clearly there would've been a long, deep kiss and James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" would've been playing under it as they parted ways perhaps never to meet again. I was so like, "Aw, no kiss! Come on!" but it didn't fit the honorable knight in shining armor Aaron is. She is still married...married to a putz, but married nonetheless. I'm still mad Aaron didn't get to kill more people, but hell, I'm just glad he survived. He's a good character; I hope he pops up next year. Also, Aaron escapes the compound with Mike only to come back with Jack? Sorry, um, I think we're missing the definition of the word "escape" here.

--that Chloe has an ex-husband? And he's British(?)? And he's a womanizing cad? How delightfully juicy. Now here's one of the major inconsistencies of the finale: They take out the submarine that it took 10 minutes of the episode before to capture in 20 minutes, which is so throwaway and you kind of scratch your head why, but we get this great part of Chloe's life with this seemingly cool character and we see him here and when he's dropping off stuff to Jack and that's it?! Bad producers, bad. Let's get more of the husband next year, possibly back with Chloe even though you can clearly see they're wrong for each other.

--the Chloe O'Brien Line of the Week: Martha and Mike Novick know that Jack is coming for the Prez --
Martha: Will he hurt him?
Mike: he says this much nicer, but Mike's line is basically "Jack will f--- that fool up if necessary." The definition of badass, people. You don't have to say what a badass you are, other people do it for you because THEY KNOW.

--that this is something I had a problem with throughtout the season. You're the President of the U.S. I know we're not in the Nixon era anymore, but you mean to tell me that nothing in that room of his was wired for sound, no cameras, no survellience equipment to spy on what's going on? I mean, it helps when you're trying to be a sneaky, underhanded President not to have electronics that could, oh, provide evidence, but I found it interested none of his rooms at the compound were heavily survellienced.

--that a commercial break is all Logan and Martha needed for a "quickie." No, didn't want to really see them "getting down," but man, that's quick! I know you gots stuff to do as Prez, but dang. And Martha's seduction proves that yes, even against our instincts, we men are slaves to the..."other brain." We can't help it. It's stronger than freakin' Kryptonite. Know and learn, females of the world.

--Chloe O'Brien Line of the Week #2:
Chloe to Jack: I don't mean to put added pressure on you, but if you don't get a confession, we'll be arrested for treason. Classic!

--The whole storyline getting the confession from Logan through Martha was handled brilliantly. Some people say they could see it coming a mile away, especially when Jack didn't shoot him, but I'm sorry, I was surprised and loved seeing the smirk on Martha and Mike's faces as they hauled Charles away like a common criminal. Again, I was holding out for someone taking a shot at him and ending his pitiful life, but I can take jailtime. Speaking of which, and I of course haven't mentioned how good he is before, but Itzin was great in his speech to Martha about putting her away in an asylum and drugging her. Viscious and evil, I loved it cause I soooo hated this dude! I like what they did with the Logan character and totally going from this sniveling guy last year to diabolical criminal mastermind way over his head. Well done.

--that at the end, I thought for sure Audrey would buy the farm. Have we killed enough women in Jack's life? Yes. But there was that beat when they were talking in the open I thought for sure someone would take her out. Instead, we get Jack taken out. Kim Raver's starring in a fall show, so it might be the last we see of Audrey, but hopefully they can work it out next year that she can be back.

And that brings us to the end with Jack on a slow boat to China...literally! People doubted me, but I told you, the Chinese would come into play and get our boy back. That dude was adamant last year and didn't believe for a moment Jack was dead, so I knew this season could end no other way, but Ari has a good point about in that highly secure area, four dudes can sneak in, take Jack out, and leave undetected? Ah, but it's that dash of implausibility we love about "24"....okay, it's more like a freakin' pint of implausibility, but it tastes oh so good! And that was a nice touch with the Edgar picture. All in all, a good season and they cleaned house. Can't wait to see who they add to the cast next year and how the heck Jack gets out of this one. I sincerely hope though they have someone like Curtis go in and get him rather than him escaping. I want Jack to rely on someone a little bit...then kick some ass. We also never learn more about some of the loose ends in the story--Wade Palmer, Martha's assistant, just how many more government agents were available to help bad guys escape--but all in all, a very decent finale. Thanks for reading everyone and please check here as I write about stuff OTHER than "24" now ;) Have a great Memorial Day weekend...

-B